If...

I was Harry Reid, Joe Lieberman would be on the subcommittee to study rat feces in payback for backing McCain. Lieberman is the Zell Miller of the 21st century.

I were Barack Obama,I would urge critics to listen to Falwell tapes and explain Billy Graham's anti-Semitic musings.

I were a baseball player,I would use HGH and claim religiosity,it worked for Andy Pettit.

I were a racist,I would be comfortable as a Republican.

I were Al Sharpton,I wouldn't throw stones.

I were George Bush, I would learn the names of three books in my presidential library, just in case.

I were Oprah Winfrey,I would stop giving out nutrition tips.

I were Rosie O' Donnell, I would be proud of the platform I had given gay parents.

I were a single blonde right wing media personality, I would come out of the closet and tour with Michael Stipe.

If I was a congressman,I would go after the NRA for looking the other way on illegal weapons. All they can do is mount a candidate against me,and if you can't beat a pro gun pol in NYC,you deserve to lose.